Est. 2026 · A safe space for the botanically hopeless
You couldn't keep it alive. We get it. We've been there.
Who We Are
Plant Killer Anonymous (PKA) is a peer support community for individuals who have, through no lack of love or intention, managed to end the lives of plants that are widely considered "impossible to kill." We are not monsters. We are survivors. This is a judgment-free zone — except for the plants. They judge us daily from the afterlife.
Our Program
Member Testimonials
"I killed a cactus. A cactus. I gave it too much love — read: water — and it simply gave up. PKA helped me understand that enthusiasm is not the same as competence."
— H., Pittsburgh, PA"I neglected a succulent to the point of death. I may be the first person in recorded history to do this. PKA told me I was not alone. They were lying, but it helped."
— Anonymous, Pittsburgh, PA"I now exclusively buy Cuban oregano because I've been told it's basically a succulent. I have not eaten it. I do not intend to. It smells nice though."
— H., Still PittsburghIn Memoriam
Get Help Now
If you or someone you love has a plant in distress, call the
1-800-NOT-DEAD · Available 24/7 · Operators are standing by
(operators are also bad at keeping plants alive)